So many thoughts have been passing through my head lately….so many thoughts of wonder, of excitement, of curiousity, of love, how to love everyone well.  How to walk through the mud and the mire while holding onto a God that never changes, how to look up while it seems that so much stuff is going down!  How to run and not get weary and how to wake up every morning at 5 am and push myself physically as I am spiritually!  Alot has happened of recent, and if you have not heard, I will let you know what is going on in my life at this current time…..crazy stuff, and am so jacked to be a part of all of this, yet it is one of the hardest times of my life!  About a month and a half ago I really felt like God was going to be moving in my life in a way that I have never experienced, and in all honesty at that time it even felt uncomfortable!  We had started this new thing with our student ministry called “joes on the road” in which the teens have no idea where we are going until they get here, and that night we were visiting Cornerstone Harvest Church in Lima.  I wanted the teens to experience a complete different style of worship that they have never seen.  Worship was amazing, the message was as well….and then this happened.  A friend of mine that I have alot of respect for, who is an assistant pastor at that church, asked me to sit with him.  I did, and he says, “every time that I looked at you during the service, I felt God telling me this, that in the next few weeks, you are going to have some rough meetings ahead, but do not be afraid for your heart is right, and the decisions that you make will take you to a different level!! I walk out and share this with only one other person, an adult leader, and I was blown away, but had already been feeling God stirring something in my heart, so this somewhat gave me a peace!  Well, needless to say, giving has been down of recent at our church, and the economy has taken its toll and 3 weeks to the day after that service, I am pulled in the pastors office before staff meeting, and he tells me that due to finances, I and the children’s pastor will be getting laid off on June 17….I actually smiled, not out of disrespect, but because the stirring of what God had already been doing is now coming into fruition.   This is nuts, I mean here I am being told that only due to finances I will be out of a job, and I have a complete peace with it!! This is not me, if you know me, I am so worried about being the provider for my family, someone who has got to completely know that all is well, but not this time…at the biggest point in my life where I should have doubt, I have none!  I personally know that this is God, because none of it makes sense!  Alot of times that is the way that God works, when things do not appear to make sense in mans eyes, God ultimately uses them for His glory!!  Needless to say I feel like God is overcoming one of the darkest times (losing a job) with His Brightness.  You see I have been on a rampage for a while now in my studies, and have really been diving into scripture, and I truthfully know that no matter what, if I continue to draw close to Him, He will draw near to me, and He already is! It is like no matter what I do, I know that He is my rock, and He is the only thing that can hold me up….it pains me to lose the direct weekly relationship with my teens and adult leaders, but I am so JACKED about the future that it is not even funny….Here are some lyrics from a song that has really hit home with me…

Well I’ve been hit from every corner

And I’ve been thrown from side to side

And I’m cracked up in the inside

So I come to You for life

Your presence always heals me

So I wanna’ drink it in

You know where we’re going God

And You know where I’ve been

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning around.

Yesterday I felt so angry

And today so insecure

And I hate it that I wrestle with the God that I adore

Your presence always heals me

So I wanna drink it in

You know where we’re going God

And You know where I’ve been.

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And I know less about You

But my heart loves You so much more

You’re the bright in sadness

You’re my brightness

I wish this thing could pass from me

But I’m wanting what You want

So bring me high and bring me low

Just hold me in Your love

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning

And your love is like a rock

When I’m spinning around.

So when my life is spinning out of control there is only one Rock , and that is who I am leaning on!!! He came into the mud and put my life on solid ground, He sent His son to be the mediator and through Him, we can see the Kingdom!  He loves us so much that He wants to share all of it with us!! What do we have to do in return, Fight, Love, Respect, Serve, Listen, be His subjects, and rule His Kingdom right along with Him and how can I do that, if I do not trust the KING!!!

So needless to say, in  my darkest place, I see His brightness clearer than ever before!!

Books that are helping in this time:

The Barbarian Way: by McManus

Jesus for President: by Claiborne

The Bible: studying Psalms in which it consistently talks about Crying out to God

Music that is helping:

Charlie Hall: The Bright Sadness

Jars of Clay: The Long Fall Back to Earth